this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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