I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
