It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
