Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
