I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So much rum. So many feels.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
