Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
