worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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