i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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