Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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