So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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