So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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