just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
