never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize