Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
