Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
