fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
