this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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