Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
