the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
