Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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