Welp...herpes.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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