I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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