i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't make any sense
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