we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
