6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
birth control should be required to get into college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
