My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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