I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize