seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
