Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
