i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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