I'm passing your future prison.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
