This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
