that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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