I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
one might say we're banned from that church
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
