When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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