Banned from zoo.
Again?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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