we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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