Yo dont text me then not text me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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