Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
