So drunk its hurt
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
