bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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