Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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