my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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