I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize