Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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