Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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