if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL