this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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