dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?