no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"