Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.