Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ