Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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