I'm going to jail i love you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can I color on your dick again?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
