The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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