i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
