and she was petting her beer can
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
