i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
