In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I look better un-naked...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
