So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
