Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
