apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
