My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
