I skipped work to stalk him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
