i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
