Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
