I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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