9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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