I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
