My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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