is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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