Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
