ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
