awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
