we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
