i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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