i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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