On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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