I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
babies were throwing up all over the place
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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