no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
