I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
