so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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