i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
