You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
