everyone is single if you try hard enough
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
