I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
