Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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